Tannins refer to the diverse group of chemical compounds in wine that can affect the color, aging ability and texture of the wine. While tannins can not be smelled or tasted, they can be perceived during wine tasting by the tactile drying sensation and sense of bitterness that they can leave in the mouth
Good enough, but now if you're like me you're like. what the fuck, why are there so many different dumb french names for everything. I just want a bottle of wine.
Let's break this shit down for your retarded ass.
Two types of wine. Red and White. We won't be covering White because it sucks balls and we're not 87 years old yet.
Red is where it's at.
Alright so now that we're on red we can get into this bitch face first. There's a ton of different varietals (I have no idea what varietals means I think that it just means variety but that's not classy enough so they just a made up a new word) let's break it down even more.
Zinfadfel
Pronounced Zin-fin-del (like the funkee homosapian)
You got white or red. White is a pussy drink. buy your bitch some white zinfandel because it's pink and that means you'll get the pink you dig?
Red or just regs zinfendel is pretty good. It's like spicy and shit instead of sweet. It's got a pretty complex flavor. It's the hipster of the common wine varietals you probably haven't heard of it, but it's pretty common. So maybe like the Wilco of the wine world.
Merlot
Pronounce that motherfucker Mer-Low (get low)
First of all they made this movie called sideways where they talked about wine and they beat on Merlot. Man up and make your own decisions about wine. Merlot literally means in some pansy language "easy to drink" so it's very common and tasty. It smells like grapes (who would have thought) Some bitch on youtube told me that Chilean, Argentinan and Australian d00ds make it the best, but what does that cunt know, right?
Shiraz
It's pronounced Shi-Rah. It's pretty dry. Like your mother. HI-YO.
Pinot Noir
Pinot Noir is actually just rat poison. Best paired with steak.
